Monday, January 17, 2011

These Are a Few Of My Favorite Things...the Achy-Breaky Big Mistakey

Anyone who knows me at all knows that one of my favorite things in the world is....a good mullet. I have been a fan of mullets for years and am a seasoned mullet hunter. I even did an informative speech on mullets for a public speaking class in college (and yes, I did get an A.) When people ask me why I am so fascinated by these creatures, the only answer I can come up with is that a mullet is not just a haircut, it's a lifestyle. (Also, let us not forget my Eastern Kentucky roots, and therefore a natural interest in anything remotely redneck.) I feel that it is my duty as a mullet aficionado to share with the world some knowledge about these works of art! Today I will cover two of the four main species of mullets: mullets and skullets.

1. The basic mullet. Of course, we all know there is nothing basic about the classic "10/90" hairstyle, but this category covers the species of mullets you are most likely to see in public. Your classic mullet has the business in the front, party in the back look and can be spotted by the most novice hunter. Here is a great example of a textbook mullet:

Would you look at the length on that sucker? Notice the gently flowing waves. Extra points if you noticed that the mullet is out at some type of social function, no doubt in a big crowd of people. No party is complete without a mullet!

The category of "basic mullet" also includes three subsets: mullatinos, albinos, and the hugely popular rat tail. A mullatino is any person of Latin/Hispanic descent who sports a mullet. This species is actually quite widespread and is frequently seen in public.

Me gusta mucho, ese.

An albino mullet can be defined as any blonde mullet. Bonus points are awarded if the subject also has light-colored eyes, for that true freak-of-mullet-nature effect.
Look at this smooth operator:

Rat tails are often considered a category all their own as most consider them to be a hybrid of the mullet, but for the purposes of this blog they will be grouped in the "basic mullet" species. Rat tails are most often sported by males going through puberty, but in rare occasions, have also been spotted on females.

Get em, Tiger.

2. The skullet. A skullet is defined as any hairstyle which involves a shaved head and the classic mullet party-in-the-back. Some would argue that a skullet is not a true species of mullet, as shaving the head eliminates the "business" part of the mullet, but the presence of the "party" portion of the haircut screams mullet to me. There is a subset of the mullet species, the forced skullet. This phenomenon of nature occurs when someone who has a mullet begins balding, thus creating the forced skullet look.

His shirt says "I'm The Big Daddy." Yes sir, yes you are....the Daddy of skullets.

Forced skullet. Notice the beautiful silver locks wafting in the breeze....magical.

Of course, this has been only a beginner's introduction to the phenomenon that is the mullet. Mullet hunting is an on-going activity for me, so please rest assured that subsequent blog posts will cover other topics related to mullets.

Until then, keep your eyes peeled for those Kentucky Waterfalls!


  1. how can you not actually put a picture of Billy Ray Cyrus (who is proudly wearing the mullet again) or a picture of Hulk Hogan (most famous skullet of all time) on this? I'm upset

  2. Rat-tails, also known as "mullets in training." HAHA.

    Didn't we talk about doing a "mullets across America" coffee table book back in high school? It's not too late, you know! :)

  3. Okay. This is the greatest post ever. Being another Kentucky girl I truly appreciate this.