Sunday, February 6, 2011

My Super Bowl Prediction

The Super Bowl is tomorrow and if you're anything like me, the last thing you pay attention to is the actual game.  There's so much else going on - commercials, the halftime show.....and everybody knows it's not about who plays the better game, anyway.  Here's what decides the Super Bowl for me:

1. Which team has the best looking quarterback? 

This is Aaron Rodgers.  He is 27 years old and is the quarterback for the Green Bay Packers.  Not that we care so much about career statistics here, but Aaron went to the University of California and was drafted to the Packers in 2005.  He's really good at football.  More importantly, he's cute.  Look at that face!  And just a little bit of neat facial hair, just enough to say I'm a football player, I'm tough without saying I'm lazy and I don't like to shave.
This is Ben Roethlisberger.  He is 28 years old and is the quarterback for the Pittsburgh Steelers.  He went to Miami University in Ohio and was drafted to the Steelers in 2004.  He is also really good at football. You may or may not have heard about this, but Ben has been in trouble a few times during his NFL career....we'll leave it at that and get to the relevant stuff - he is not cute.  He could have been, at one point in time, but now he has let a wooly mammoth take over his face and it's not working for him.  Additionally, he needs to get his hair cut because frankly, he's starting to get a little bit of a mullet.  It's just not cute.  Plus, for some reason he looks like he's at least 40.
Advantage: Green Bay.  Come on, was this even a contest?

2. Which team has the best rap fight song?

This is Wiz Khalifa.  He wrote a song called "Black and Yellow" all about how much he loves Pittsburgh and the Steelers.  You might have heard it, it's a pretty popular song.  Now some people don't think this song is about Pittsburgh, and that's certainly up for debate, but when the Steelers made it to the playoffs and now to the Super Bowl, they decided to own this song.  I certainly hope Wiz is being paid a kickback from the Steelers.
So Lil Wayne hears "Black and Yellow'" and decides that his team also needs an anthem.  Thus, "Green and Yellow" was born.  Now don't get me wrong, I'm a fan of Weezy, but really?  He couldn't get any more creative than "Green and Yellow?"  Yes, I understand those are Green Bay's colors, but that's basically the same as "Black and Yellow."  Weezy, my friend, you have been sippin on too much sizzurp.

                                        Advantage: Pittsburgh.  Wiz Khalifa did it first!
3.  Which team has the best souvenir?

This is a Terrible Towel.  I don't know much about how this works so I looked it up on Wikipedia....and I still don't get it.  Basically the team needed some kind of gimmick, and they came up with this towel, and for some reason they decided to call it Terrible.  I don't know, I don't get it either....can someone from Pittsburgh help me?  Why would you call anything about your team Terrible?  At least you could use it to dry your seat off if it had been raining before the game.

This is a cheesehead hat!  It's awesome.  I understand the connection here: Green Bay is in Wisconsin, which is famous for cheese, thus = a cheesehead hat.  It makes perfect sense.  Usually they are made out of foam and can also be referred to as a "Cheese Hat" since it is, in fact, a hat.  Genius.  You may or may not know that humans lose most of their body heat from their head, so wearing a Cheese Hat at a football game also keeps you much warmer than a little Terrible Towel would.
Advantage: Cheesehead Hat.  I love cheese, and I like to be warm.

So there you have it.  Most may say that the winner of the Super Bowl is determined by who plays the better game, but I think it's about way more than who scores the most points.  Based on my system, the Green Bay Packers will be winning tomorrow.....and if they really do win, remember who gave you the hot tip.


  1. love, Love, LOVE this post! It seriously had me cracking up! And while I agree 100% about Aaron Rodgers, I will be cheering for the Steelers tomorrow. I pretty much have to; I'm from Minnesota and the Packers are the enemy! Here's to hoping for good commericals too! :)

  2. Brilliant piece. Advantage Green Bay, no doubt about it!!!!!! ---Daniel